Rehearsals start this weekend, so it's time to get my ranking list out!
Many thanks to Mr Gerbear's ranking tool - https://esc.gerbear.com/sorter2023.htm - I've been able to judge all of the songs to put all the songs in order from best to worst (or in my case the other way round!) This is MY list and my reasons for liking/disliking songs is very personal. It is also not a prediction of what will do well - I gave up predicting LOOOOOONNNNGGGG AGO !!!!
37 SWITZERLAND Remo Forrer - Watergun
An interesting intro and a voice you don't expect from a lad like this BUT the lyrics are just cringe. Entering an anti-war song is a good idea (I agree) but one that repeats the words blood, guns, soldier and army is insensitive - especially to Ukrainians who may be watching ESC to get away from the horrors on their doorstep.. Plus the fact this song has been around for 3 years feels like a trite move. Yuk.
36 POLAND Blanka - Solo
The less we say about the validity of the national final that this won, the better. This song is not for the likes of me and I am sure all the top people online are busy tik tok-ing to this as I speak. Yeah... nothing says 'Poland' more than a a pretty white girl singing faux reggae. It also wouldn't be anywhere near so bad if she could actually sing live. The diaspora though may well be out in force to support this.
35 ARMENIA Brunette - Future lover
Another song that isn't designed for me. The lyrics are literally (and yes, I do actually mean literally) from tumblr and pintrest quotes and the rap in the middle seems rather out of place. The ending in Armenian is honestly the best bit. The video was thought up in a panic, hence the half-made clothes and I hope she can produce more than the one facial expression that she does in the video.
34 CYPRUS Christopher Lambrou - Break a broken heart
He is a nice enough singer, if you like your hunky leather-clad Australian men whingy and moody with hobbies such as singing in derelict buildings, swimming and having arguments with girlfriends. The falsetto bit goes on quite a bit and it does start to sound very moany very quickly. The song is OK but in the run of everything totally unforgettable. Greek/Aussie diaspora will be out in support.
33 GREECE Victor Vernicos - What they say
Victor is a young lad who seems to be very talented in his singer-songwriter/Ed Sheeran genre role but the video to this instils me with no confidence whatsoever that his personality will shine through. I think the song is actually quite pleasant, as is his voice, but this performance is too small and insular (unless they make this its selling point on stage) Nice, maybe too nice, for Eurovision this year.
32 ALBANIA Albina & familija Kelmendi - Duje
A nice ethnic ditty that unfortunately disappoints me every time I hear it because it always seems to be at a much slower tempo than I feel it should be. I love the idea of the song but needs a lot of work on the stage craft. Apart from the Albanian/Kosovan diaspora I have no idea who will like or get this. Am thinking this is what Albanian call centres play down the phone at you while you are waiting.
31 ISRAEL Noa Kirel - Unicorn
Another song that is not for me but can imagine the young things doing the rather unfortunate hand to head gesture on tiktok. Still don't know what 'powers' unicorns actually possess. A collection of bits - some that go together, some that don't - and a video where Noa looks like a millennial version of Imelda the Grange Hill bully if the show was remade today. Shoehorned Chanel rip-off dance break.
30 IRELAND Wild Youth - We are one
Many have been waiting for this band to do Eurovision but they have done so with one of the most nondescript songs of the whole contest. They have plenty of experience on stage and have a good idea of self image and could get the crowd on their side which will lift the song. Although I say nondescript, it is the kind of thing people expect from the contest so may get many middle-of-the-road votes.
29 CROATIA Let 3 - Mama ŠČ!
I feel sad this is so far down because I like this song! The outfits are outrageous and learning about their standing in the Ex-Yu music scene has been a hoot. They pull no punches (it is an anti-R*ssia song wrapped in an allegory) and will be a show to behold. The song is catchy, memorable and has an accompanying dance routine! My fear is it's too odd and too bizarre that people may misunderstand the concept.
28 AZERBAIJAN TuralTuranX - Tell me more
When I first heard this I was well unimpressed but over time its slightly naïve and quiet charm has come through. The tinges of Beatles/Britpop in the music makes it rather familiar even if the lyrics are not always 100% legible. The sounds they make are very nice, especially in those harmony parts. I am a little afraid this might go off-piste vocally and be a little timid performatively. Not expecting much from this.
27 ROMANIA Theodor Andrei - D.G.T (off and on)
I was a supporter of this song when revealed as a contender in its National Final. Theodor has a great voice and shows great showmanship in all of this performances - as well as having a identifiable style with the glasses and long hair. I did however have many issues with his NF performance which was over-sexualised and had lots of random props and dancers. I wish he could just sing and not faff about.
26 NETHERLANDS Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper - Burning Daylight
Really not sure where to start on this. When the song was released it got an ok reception but when it was discovered neither singer could sing this live, it went south. Then literally days before the contest, the song was changed into another key and given new instrumentation. The delegation and team behind this debacle should hang their heads in shame. Absolute shambles. Arcade has a lot to answer for.
25 DENMARK Reiley - Breaking my heart
The first minute of this song is not that bad, although I am not so fond of the falsetto stuff. The stop-start nature of the chorus, on first listen, really pricks your ears up but when the same presentation repeats on *every* chorus with no deviation it starts to feel very boring very quickly. I am also not that confident as to how this will be staged or how good, or how loud, his vocals will be compared to the backing track
24 SAN MARINO Piqued Jacks - Like an animal
This song and band has garnered a lot of unnecessary flack over the last few months and I am not so sure why. The start is quite bombastic, the chorus is memorable and the leads singers voice is really strong and can hit some quite epic notes. The lyrics go down the simile rabbit hole a little too deeply and do come across a bit cringe. Won't trouble the scoreboard but I hope they feel proud of their work.
23 LITHUANIA Monika Linkyte - Stay
I will never forgive them for not choosing Rūta MUR because it had ESC WINNER written all over it. Anyways, this song is a vocal masterclass, if not a little on the shouty side. Monika has a great tone and this songs shows off its many facets. The ending part is just a little too much and seems at odds with the very heartfelt "čiūto tūto" refrain with repeats throughout. Less is sometimes more.
22 SWEDEN Loreen - Tattoo
Yes. Very controversial. Almost definitely a top 5, if not winner of the whole thing. There is no doubt in Loreen's vocal ability and engagement with the song and the audience. The staging during Melfest was ground-breaking but for me the singer and staging were covering up the cracks in the songwriting. This is no "Euphoria", it's not even half of "Statements" and that is not good enough not this year or any year.
21 ITALY Marco Mengoni - Due Vite
Finally, a song that wins Sanremo that gets cut down to 3 minutes and actually works! Marco is a great singer and conveys this song with such emotion that juries and televoters will lap this up. My concern might be lack of engagement down the camera and going vocally OTT. For me it is a little bit too shouty near the end and I much prefer the bits with light and shade. PS: Madame was blatantly robbed .
20 SPAIN Blanca Paloma - EAEA
I am on a run of controversy. I am one of the biggest advocates for Spain's 1983 song of which this is its more appreciated cousin. This is unequivocally Spanish and Blanca's voice and stage presence is mesmerising and enchanting. However it is almost so artistic, so creative and so accomplished it is almost feels impenetrable and you almost start to feel indifferent and frrosy about the actual song.
19 PORTUGAL Mimicat - Ai coração
This is a lively, personality driven ditty with possibly the tightest group of dancers you'll see on the Eurovision stage this year. The whole thing has a relentless galloping rhythm which makes me want to clap along. Her voice, and the quickness of the lyrics, is a little off putting at times, keeping you on the back foot and I can also understand why many people think this is a chaotic, hot mess.
18 LATVIA Sudden Lights - Aijā
I am a sucker for 5/4... This is one of many songs this year that has a lot of chops and changes. The verses are in 5/4 time and have a lowkey trip hop vibe while the chorus has a waltz feel and and has a slower pace. To top it all off they start singing in Latvian. Unlike other arty entries, this feels accessible. As much as this really appeals to me, I am not expecting this to be troubling the scoreboard.
17 GERMANY Lord of the Lost - Blood & glitter
For once, Germany are sending something synonymous with their music scene, or at least the scene Germany are known for worldwide. In addition this style of music is welcomed and has a history at Eurovision. The song has peaks and troughs, light and shade and the singer's voice is versatile. This has life, personality and will stand out a mile. Nice to listen to but singing along might be a health risk.
16 NORWAY Alessandra - Queen of Kings
There was a time that this was in my top 5 but over time it has slowly slid down. This song has a real power and strength and Alessandra's vocal moves from the shouty bits to the whistle tone effortlessly. The staging and costuming in the national final was very well put together, but the dancers need to throw out the light up sticks asap. Maybe I've heard and seen this so much I'm getting to used to its force.
15 ICELAND Diljá - Power
This is a great little song that has a fun p-p-p-party vibe to it. Diljá seems like a very fun person and her voice has a very unusual tone to it - I don't think many people could sing this song the way she does. She also follows the 'less is more' staging etiquette and the way she moves around the stage is really unique and feels really authentic to herself and the song. I just hope she can fill a really big stage in May.
14 FRANCE La Zarra - Évidemment
To my ears this feels French in a nostalgic way. Although Dua Lipa-esque, this song takes notes from the French dance scene of the 90s & 00s with the low key background and string-filled orchestration but also nods towards the original European 70s disco bangers. La Zarra has a slightly aloof stage presence which suits the song but could come across as a bit snooty by people who do not get her schtick.
13 GEORGIA Iru - Echo
As fans, this song has been dissected beyond belief and yes the lyrics are absolute nonsense and poppycock. However, the once a year crowd won't care and will just see that this girl can dominate the stage, sing with power and has the confidence of a strutting peacock. Moreover, being in the category of "Weird Georgia" I am expecting a staging masterclass in "over the top-ness". I have my popcorn ready.
12 UKRAINE Tvorchi - Heart of steel
Ukraine could have re-entered the fray with a copycat of last year's winner or some kind of war/peace ballad, but they didn't. Instead they are defending their title with an R&B banger with a thumping baseline and lyrics extolling the power of people, whoever and wherever they may be. Jeffrey's voice is so cool and emotional while the staging at the NF was innovative albeit inside a metro station.
11 UNITED KINGDOM Mae Muller - I wrote a song
This song has been a bit of a grower - a bit like Mae's confidence through the pre-parties! The chorus is extremely earwormy and catchy and automatically makes you sing along. I have been pleasantly surprised by how much energy she has on stage and this song really makes her personality shine through. I just hope the nerves and adrenaline are kept in check when she comes on last in the final!
10 ESTONIA Alika - Bridges
There are not many out-and-out simple ballads this year and for this reason this just stands out for me. Not normally the style of song I would go for but Alika has an engaging stage presence, clear diction and a strong vocal. I am also glad she is bringing the self playing piano with her! Unfortunately, I fear that the personality of this song may get forgotten in the semifinal and may not proceed.
09 CZECHIA Vesna - My sister's crown
Wasn't my fave in the NF but its message was clear to see and hear. The fact this is a girl group automatically makes it stands out and the use of multiple languages will engage a wide audience. Their performances in the pre-parties improved over time and I hope they've been working on their stage show. It is nerve wracking as Czechia has a terrible televote history. This is too good not to qualify.
08 AUSTRALIA Voyager - Promise
This has probably been the biggest grower for me this year. When I first heard it I was overwhelmed/confused by the genre(s), sections and characters in the band. However what you cannot deny is that this group have such confidence and sense of self as well as great technical playing the writing ability that it is just uplifting, catchy song. Honestly, the 40-somethings are coming for the crown!
07 MOLDOVA Pasha Parfeni - Soarele și luna
Following on from the success of GO_A in 2020/2021, this lovely ditty takes folk and ethnic sensibilities, adds a pulsating dance beat and a catchy as hell flute break.. The addition of 100% Romanian lyrics adds to its power and mysticism and I am hoping the staging from the NF can be added upon but not changed too much. Less of a crazy entry but very much idiosyncratic. This needs votes!
06 SLOVENIA Joker Out - Carpe Diem
These boys spotted a trick by releasing their Slovenian pop-rock song so early on in the Eurovision calendar. The group garnered a lot of support (and free publicity) when there was very little else around. It is a catchy number with guitar earworms, a memorable tune a tight band and a singer who always sings this song well. Again, I have concerns as to who will vote for this to get into Saturday's final.
05 SERBIA Luke Black - Samo mi se spava
After last year's distinctive effort, this number follows on and reeks of style and identity as well as being almost nostalgic of that closed-off, isolating, lockdown sentiment. The odd industrial sounds in the backing track are eerie and disturbing which totally chimes with the zombie computer characters sharing the stage with Luke. I hope the staging stays the same and he can bust his moves with precision.
04 BELGIUM Gustaph - Because of you
For those of us who experienced the 90's dance scene, this feels uber nostagic and comes from a place of experience, comfort and positivity. Gustaph's win in the NF was a shock for some (it really should not have been) and even if this song isn't a favourite you cannot help but want to move to this track. Gustaph knows what he is doing and will be a master of the stage with his friends on stage backing him.
03 AUSTRIA Teya & Salena - Who the hell is Edgar?
Oh, the confusion when parts of this song were leaked to the fandom. But this song proves you should not judge a book by its cover. This reaction also reinforced the song's message about the inequalities of being a musician, especially a female one. This expertly balances biting statements about the music industry with the status of a bona fide bop. If you get it, it works - if you don't, it still works. Bravo ladies!
02 MALTA The Busker - Dance (our own party)
Moldova meets Iceland meets Georgia in the most unlikely of places. When you see or hear a song that talk to you, you cannot help but feel part of the song. I really do feel better in my sweater... Not only is the chorus catchy, it has a dance routine and the staging is frenetic which reflects that panicky sense one might have in an uncomfortable social setting (i.e. most of life). Nice 8-bit animation and on screen title cards!
01 FINLAND Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha
This fuses so much that should not go together: industrial wooden pallets, an Incredible Hulk bolero jacket, monotonous verse, shouty chorus, the change to a schalger song half way though, pink ballroom dancers and what I call the 'northern crab' dance. Granted, this song relies A LOT on backing vocals (this is a performance NOT a vocal masterclass) and audience participation and reaction but when it ends you just want MOAR!
Now you know how I feel do you want to hear them all for yourself?
Here is the official complication clip video - let me know what your faves are!
