Friday 27 March 2015

MY TOP 40 OF ESC 2015

01) Slovenia
Everything but the kitchen sink... and works!
This individual ditty is jam-packed full of visual and aural ticks. The headphone motif is odd yet totally memorable, the miming violinist is genius and Marjetka's unusual tone engages you from the start. An utterly compelling song with a upbeat and positive feeling. I love the message of the song... it's ok... I'm not crying, I just have something in my eye...

02) Belarus
And about time too that Belarius sent a decent song!
A proper little pop song with a great structure. The recent revamp of the song did it massive favours as it helped build the song up better from the start and get rid of some dead air. He's not a bad singer, although I'm not sure about the Matrix-eque look is quite him. We can only hope the hourglass/sand timer/cog wheel meme is kept on for the stage.

03) Belgium
Lordi, Lorde, Loic....
Loic wrote this number with help from his Voice Belgique mentor and should be the hit of the contest. He is a great performer, has an intriguing vocal pitch and timbre, a slightly Frenchy accent as well as being a great mover and some eye candy for the boys and girls to ogle at. However the draw did not fall in his favour but surely class will out...?

04) FYR Macedonia
If One Republic did Eurovision.
Another radio friendly, contemporary number. Although the mother tongue version was good, the English version connects more and the slightly slower backing track has a melancholic quality that makes you listen. His voice sounds so good live and I just hope he can connect to the camera - and doesn't do any "drunk dad at a wedding" dancing.

05) Sweden
Was it all about the artwork...? Possibly.
The song is a very Swedish aural production. Måns is a confident performer with an casual and approachable look. Has a great build to the first up-tempo chorus but as we now know the M-fest visuals are out - what will we see in Vienna? I commented that the song was over reliant on the projection and this might be an opportunity for a total revamp.

06) Estonia
Film Noir meets post-communist '60s retro pop.
Another duet, another melancholic song but this has an interesting quality which could make it a huge radio hit. Many criticise their black and white live performances of lacking in charisma, interaction and appeal but that's exactly what the song is about. It's not a typical Eurovision song but they reek of class and style and will be loved by juries.

07) Norway
Norway is a dark place... and has found its meme.
After the success of last year's internalistic, brooding ballad this time they've got a duet to sing act 2. An emotional and well harmonised ballad and wide in terms of vocal range. The camera work and production of this in the National Final was genius and can hopefully be replicated in Vienna. But what we all want to know is... what *did* he do...?

08) Lithuania
Mumford and girlfriend.
This feel good song interacts well with the audience but also makes the singers connect with each other. Probably the only happy duet of the whole bunch. The song is a little predictable in structure but has a couple of great hooks. However what we will really wonder about is how they will be doing *that kiss* in the middle of the song...

09) Australia
One-off appearance = One-off win?
Rumours of a ballad from his last album being the entry didn't seem to go down well with the Euro-fans and may have influenced this last-minute songwriting session. This has a great beat and will no doubt have support from the crowd. Will have an amount of novelty value but is cool enough to be heard on many radio stations around the continent.

10) Latvia
Too classy? Too modern?
This girl has such an amazing voice. The self-penned song shows off the different facets of her range and tone, so much so that one might think this was a duet or a trio rather than one girl singing the whole thing. She is also visually striking (i.e. damn beautiful) and the way she presents herself with the armography is very individual.

11) Cyprus
Male version of "Stronger every minute".
Another melancholy ballad but with a gentle backing track and poignant lyrics. A favourable draw could also beef up its chances in the semi-final. John is a geeky looking singer which may appeal to hipsters, radio 2 listeners AND the singer-songwriter lovers. The a cappella part in the middle needs to be spot on to make full impact. Less may well be more.

12) Romania
The best of the non-English entries.
The song has a lilting melancholic quality, so much so you don't need a full translation to understand what the song is about. Can imagine many Romanians and eastern Europeans voting for the sentiment of the song in their adoptive countries. Visually they need to make use of the backdrops, like in the music video, as otherwise it will lack a sense of show.

13) Poland
A ballad... with a tune... AND a chorus!
This gentle ballad conveys great meaning and you can tell that it comes from a genuine place. The chorus has a great repetitive basis, especially for a ballad but never quite gets boring. Should also be easy to sing live. Will be interesting to see how (or IF) they use the singer's disability to sell the song. Got a great draw in the semi which should see it through easily.

14) Israel
A bit like the clap - annoying but catchy.
First of all the video is hideous and I hope none of the dancing or styling tips will be seen on stage in Vienna. Secondly the lyrics are totally abysmal and the rhymes are excruciating. This all said and done it is a thumping summer song with a Mediterranean/Eastern flavour which stands out amongst the grey ballads and female empowerment songs.

15)  The Netherlands
12 points from the Geordie jury goes to...
This Anouk-penned number has a great but very repetitive chorus. A strong and safe radio friendly song which has a predictable structure and not many words. I feel the tempo could be just a tiny bit quicker and maybe the beat could get stronger or more pronounced by the time the song gets to the end. I just hope she doesn't come across too mutton dressed as lamb...

16) Hungary
Less is most definitely more.
This gentle peace ballad at the very least seems genuine. Although billed as a solo piece this song is more a choral number and wouldn't work without the blending of all the other voices and it's. The song has been slightly shafted by its position in the semi and may have come out better next to two ballads rather than between 2 up-tempo numbers.

17) Iceland
Queen Elsa meets Pocahantas meets Emmelie de Forest.
Maria does a very good job of playing the cute but feisty pixie with a big voice. A great- almost Junior eurovision - song that builds well from the very beginning. However the recent rewrite was a bit odd as it makes it feel like the song should be called "one step at a time" No fist punching required though. A little bit sad about the loss of the dancers.

18) Germany
It's not the winning but the taking part that counts.
Although Ann Sophie did not win the national final I think this was probably the best outcome. A contemporary number with a shouty - very shouty - chorus. I hope she changes out of that old, lounge/cruise ship/cabaret outfit and wears something more modern instead. Won't stir up too much emotion but won't offend anybody either.

19) Moldova
It's like Aaron Carter never went out of fashion.
I am surprised that this song is so high up my list but the real lack of really poppy up-tempo numbers have caused this to happen. Although he seems like a total egotist with an attitude to match - the song, especially the chorus, is very catchy. Let's just hope the Conchita joke is left behind or he might get a slap... actually keep it in, Eduard...

20) Austria
A case of hosts playing safe.
This is a pretty inoffensive song which sounds like about 3 other songs rolled into one. The piano on fire is a nice touch at the end although I hope the singer doesn't use flammable hairspray OR has a decent haircut before May. Has a nice radio friendly, bluesy, 60s feel which will appeal or possibly provide a much needed break to go and put the kettle on.

21) Russia
Do what I say don't do what I do.
As a song this is a good old fashioned, lighters up, anthemic ballad with a great hook in the chorus. If it was all about the song, and not about where it's from this would be up there as a possible winner. However, as someone with a conscience, I listen to this song and feel like this is so totally wrong. Like last year, the song will be accompanied by its own booing chorus.

22) Serbia
I will survive - Eurovision style.
One would think I like this song, but there is so much about this that puts me off. She is a great singer and the backing track is amazing. The kick in the middle of the song really makes it stand out. The song sounded much better in Serbian plus the English lyrics are just cringe worthy. It feels really patronising, far too touchy-feely and too in your face.

23) Georgia
Winner of the Warrior battle.
A feisty little number with a distinctive sound and look. That said the lyrics are odd, if not totally made up, and slightly indecipherable. It's had a bit of a revamp which has beefed up the backing track but it totally swamps Nina's vocal. She looks like the type of girl who may kill if she doesn't qualify so you may well want to vote for her just in case...

24) Montenegro
Željko Joksimović and his new puppet play thing.
Last year Montenegro finally qualified with a song Željko could only write in his dreams. This year they have him on board and have sent the same old Željko Eurovision ballad. The last minute is actually not bad but it's a shame you fall asleep before you get there. Knez looks and sounds like a decent bloke but he won't be who we're talking about.

25) Italy
Three Tenors Juniors.
A great stylistic choice and really stands out against everything being sent this year. At least you can recognise that this is so typically and culturally Italian. However if this is not your style of music or impressed by this kind of thing then you are going to find it annoying. It feels like it should be more spectacular than it is and could be visually boring.

26) Czech Republic
Soft... Rock... Hallelujah.
It's nice to see them back and have returned with something very typical. As time goes on this is slowly moving up my chart as it is at least different to the run of the mill ballads this year. His voice is very Eastern European and therefore distinctive. The chorus has shades of Metallica about it. Could be a real surprise qualifier with a good show.

27) Albania
It feels like no song is good enough for her voice.
The replacement for "Diell" is much more punchier than the original chosen song but the new song's 'chorus' is terribly repetitive to the point where it starts getting on your nerves. Not sure it stands out enough in its semi-final. There is no doubt that she can sing but her voice can sound a bit screechy and a bit like a kazoo or sea lion when she pushes it.

28) United Kingdom
Doop meets Birds Eye Potato Waffles.
At least it's not a ballad and at least it's trying to be lighted hearted and fun. Could be quite the visual show if any of the ideas from the video are taken into account. The main issue is that the song is over produced and might not be anywhere near as impressive live. Don't even think about who in their right mind would actually vote for it though... 

29) Finland
Eurovision's first (and possibly last) Punk number.
This has had a lot of publicity and much has been made of the lack of song and its shortness. As a punk song, it does exactly what it says on the tin. It is anti-eurovision and anti-establishment and from that point of view they win if they qualify and win if they don't. I just hope people don't get too 'sympathetic' because if they do, they've missed the point.

30) Ireland
Lucie Silvas meets Delta Goodrem *snore*
This song as a modern singer-songwriter ballad which probably would be easily heard on any mainstream Irish radio station. It may well be simple but in ESC terms it is so relaxed it is horizontal. The verses and choruses don't really have much differentiation and she is another singer who sounds like she needs to give her nose an good old blow.

31) Portugal
Portugal doing what they do best. Being Portugal.
I will give them some credit for choosing quite a modern sounding song with a relatively straightforward tune. Although radio friendly, I'm not sure it's Eurovision friendly. I'm a fan of mother tongues but this would probably improve in English. Leonor's voice is weak and combined with the Portuguese language it just sounds like Dido with a bad cold.

32) Switzerland
Nothing like Destiny's Child, nothing to see here.
The recent revamp really put me off this once powerful and voice led ballad. She's one of the better singers of this year but the song now sounds far too aggressive and feisty in the backing track and seems incongruous to message in the lyrics. If she turns up looking like a 'moody Pocahontas' as she does in the video she will have absolutely no chance.

33) Malta
Next up - the indecipherable lyrics round.
Another song that seems to be a hit with the fans but not me. An example where they've only bothered to write a chorus and even that sounds like nails on a chalk board or the whining sound you get on a microphone. The singer has a really over-active mouth and it feels like she's over-doing it. Someone needs to tell her that less is sometimes more.

34) San Marino
Less Frozen, more like a damp squib.
When this duo was announced I was all set for a nice bit of  up-tempo Junior Eurovision fun and frolics to spice up an otherwise serious sounding adult Eurovision. A song that shows initial promise before going Disney or should that be parody of Disney. Instead we got an over indulgent ballad that could have been performed (better) by Tor and Bettan.

35) Azerbaijan
Not the comeback I was expecting.
Was hoping to hear something edgy and more rock influenced but this odd and fragmented number has me confused. The verses are instantly forgettable and only the first line of the chorus stays in my head. The changes in backing track tempo frazzle my brain and make it stop start. Plus I'm still not sure what the hell it has to do with hours... or wolves...

36) France
Sentimental, but someone forgot to write a song.
Another case of great idea, awful execution. The story behind the song projects a great idea, especially taking into account current politics, but the lack of pace and ooomph leaves me lacking. Live versions have, though, seen some changes in key and melody that could see it be redeemed. She doesn't seem like a bad singer but she has been made to look drab and uninspired.

37) Greece
Rise like a soufflé.
The song is a real snooze-fest and totally uninspiring. It doesn't sound very Greek which could be a plus point for me but actually makes it sound run of the mill in this year's contest. Maria is not a bad singer but her pronunciation is awful and her voice is really over-breathy. Only gets going in the final minute when it basically a rip off of last year's winner.

38) Armenia
A significant idea that has now lost all meaning.
I thought the whole point of this song and act was to commemorate the Armenian Genocide? But apparently it's not about that at all, so much so they changed the title of the song to "Face the Shadow" which has no meaning in relation to what they are singing. A rip-off of 'Volterai' and sung by 6 singers whose voices blend like oil and water.

39) Spain
Most over-rated song this year.
It doesn't go anywhere and she sounds like she's trying to be Shakira on "Stars in their Eyes". The only memorable thing about the chorus is the yelling at the start and even that sounds like the mating call of a very lonely goat. The video, which was pushed and pushed for what seemed like months was totally over-hyped and was style over substance and that substance is mush.

40) Denmark
...and no expense was spent...
There are absolutely no redeemable qualities about the song, the production, the performance - anything. It's made worse by the fact that the only passable aspect of the song is the input of the two female backing singers and even then they look like they've been plonked there, told not to talk to the band, made to look like sore thumbs and even then - they're miming!

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