Alternative Lyrics

For the last few years I have taken it upon myself to try and rewrite some of this years songs to make them, well, funnier. This year, quite a few songs this year are not in English which has made it harder but also some of the lyrics this year are almost beyond parody.... If you know the songs already they will probably make a bit more sense!!!

CZECHIA
She's only a foe of a foe of a foe of a foe
She's never home 'cause she works as a ho
She's had Pete and Al and Joe
She's only a foe of a foe of a foe of a foe

UNITED KINGDOM
The digger's for us
It's gonna uproot the tree
This digger's for us
It's gonna clear everything we see

ROMANIA
You left me with a sundae
And I still remember that day in September
Yeah you left me with a sundae
Made sure there’s no way that you had to pay

RUSSIA
Get wood for the fire
Then fix the hairdryer
Then put on the frier
Clean the kitchen today
I'll scour hard, sweep the yard
Then breastfeed the new baby
It screams

LITHUANIA
Come on, come on, let your feelings out
Come on, come on, get your freedom now
Run wild
Run with all your strength, with all your might - THE WINNER TAKES IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
(extra points if you get that random and niche reference 🍈🗡🍈🗡🍈🗡)

GERMANY
I see flames in your eyes
Damn, they burn so bright
Don’t you try to hide it
Christer, Christer, Christer
Mr Bjorkman
Christer, Christer, Christer

NETHERLANDS
I've got all of the cash I’ve saved
So many shops but they're all the same
Small town boy in the Queens Arcade
Shopping in Cardiff is a losing game

BELGIUM
I came to bite, I came to bite into you
Don't want your fries, don't want your fries, I need fruit
I have the right, I have the right not to queue
I will so cry, I will so cry and I'll sue

ISRAEL
I see the rain outside my door
And I am mournful, I am woeful
Do we dare stay and go soft play?
It made me mournful, I am woeful
And now I can't be arsed, we'll stay at home

MALTA
Give me ham, I'm a hamster
Give me hips, I'm a hipster
Give me toes I'm a toaster

Make me cry, sing "cry baby"
Take my bladder, Tena Lady
I like boats, especially gravy

SWITZERLAND
When she sidesteps, when she sidesteps
Or she backsteps, or she backsteps
Oh, she feint steps
Oh, her feint steps got me morris dancing

SAN MARINO
Say Sean Banan
On a dark deserted way, say Sean Banan
There's a light for you that waits, it's Sean Banan
Say Sean Banan, say Sean Banan
You're not alone, so stand up, Sean Banan
Be a hero, be the rainbow, and sing Sean Banan
Say Sean Banan
(more points for getting the melfest reference)

MONTENEGRO
Calling, this is Hear'Say calling, this is Bro'Sis calling, wanting our act back 
Calling, S Club 7 calling this is A*Teens calling, wanting our act back
Calling, Scootch and Deuce we're calling, Six4One is calling wanting our act back
Calling now Ralph Siegel's calling, he'll just keep on calling wanting his schtick back

NORWAY
You threw your spirit in the sky
When northern lads are dancing
Eyup Eyupah, Eyup Eyupah
I hear you whipping up a fight
The northern lads are belting
Eyup Eyupah, Eyup Eyupah