Eurovision 1974

Some might say it is 'bandwagon jumping' but I call it 'a good way to spend a couple of hours doing something constructive instead of worrying/panicking/worrying again about the London Eurovision Party event tomorrow'

Yes, 50 years ago today the UK jury gave *checks notes* NO POINTS to Waterloo and to commemorate this massive show of taste and decency, rarely equalled by any UK jury since, I am going to review the whole of the 1974 contest.

INTRO

We begin with some rather unflattering hand drawn pictures of "Brighton through the ages" as if drawn by a Lowry faker. These then are replaced by some black and white photos/footage which although still grotty at least have some realness to them! We then move to the modern age where the camera crew take us around the sights of Brighton, in particular pubs, and then show us the gentle folk of the city who all seem to be anglers... And now we are finally inside the amazing Brighton Dome where we get a good sight of the audience, the commentators booths, the scoreboard, the stage and finally the orchestra which has been playing the entire time under the direction of Ronnie Hazlehurst! And now to our host for the evening Katie Boyle -  a sight in salmon pink (if salmon were ever genetically engineered to have feathers, mind) She goes onto explain the rules and regulations of the contest in English then in French with a nice little mention of 'Intervision'.... 6 minutes in and our first song is being introduced!!!

1) Finland - Carita "Keep Me Warm"

The pre-postcard shows a wooden cabin, some forests, a waterfall and some daredevils on a boat. This is all shown with a piano accompaniment more suitable to a Charlie Chaplin 2-reeler. Carita is then shown behind the scenes doing an impromptu photo opportunity and rehearsing her song on the stage.Finally she is seen outside the Dome having a walk with her conductor, Ossi Runne who then appears in front of the orchestra as does Carina on stage wearing a blue dress with flower print on the top.

The song is a nice starter song and not overly 'eurovision-y' either. Carina's voice is very strong and her intonation and diction is perfect however I cannot help but heel like this song would sound better in FInnish although that would get absolutely no points. It does have a modern feel and would not feel out of places as a country-schlager song filler track on a Miley Cyrus album.

2) United Kingdom - Olivia Newton-John "Long Live Love"

We start with Tower Bridge, Beefeaters and some rather stereotypical views of men going about their business wearing hats (not Gustaph!) Once again we see the photo-ops and the rehearsing in the hall followed by Olivia going through the gardens with a rather Victorian pink parasol. Nick Ingman then appears to applause as does ONJ in her ode to those dolls that you used to get in the 70s that covered the sight of toilet rolls.

The song's intro is very military which seems a little misleading given the subject matter. The song is much more 70s ESC fayre especially with the bloke from Redex doing a turn on pounding that drum from beginning to end. The 'glory glory hallelujah' part has a few too many keys and tones to it feel comfortable. The backing girls seem to be having a whale of a time!

3) Spain - Peret "Canta y sé feliz"

Views of the architecture of Spain are quick and few and we zoom quickly to close-up shots of their performer on stage doing guitarography(?) and then finally we see our sideburned wonder in a nice drab suit also having a walk in a local/park. Entering the stage we have conductor Rafael Ibarbia and then onto the main stage Peret! The applause seems a little subdued probably aghast and in wonder as what what the hell he's got round his neck...

Peret's forgotten invention on the 'cravatophone' was soon overtaken when Kate Bush fashioned a clothes hanger into an portable mic adjustor. Shame. Well this one woke everyone up. Love the Spanish guitar rhythms, and the slapping the back of it near the end too.  The backing singers add so much depth and oomph to this song - as well as looking stylish. Absolute shock at how bad this did #NotInEnglish

4) Norway - Anne-Karine and the Bendik Singers "The First Day of Love"

First sight is of a youngster skiing, followed by  the sight of a ski jumping arena and a harbour all of the sounds of Norwegian Wood... The rehearsal footage very much concentrates on the lead singer and 'the singers' are nowhere to be seen... In walks Frode Thingaes to conduct and Anne-Karine to sing all to much applause.

Anne-Karine is dressed slightly more down for the occasion considering what we have seen up to now  but is using this free ness to her advantage by being very active and gestural with her arms. Not quite sure why the Bendik singers are there because they get very little air time and anybody could ooo-ooo-ooo like that... The chorus works well but the slightly sinister verses are a bit to 'down' to work

5) Greece - Marinella "Krassi, thalassa ke t' agori mou"

The sights of Greece (as well as a very busy roundabout for no reason whatsoever) astarts nd a beautiful sunset greet us before we meet Marinella. The rehearsal shots see her being rather chatty and happy which is reflected in the song. The orchestra is directed by George Katsaros and singing is Marinella.

No doubt THIS IS the Greek entry..Looks like she's kidnapped some folk from a local restaurant to so 'la la la' behind her though. Marinella has gone for a very erm, butch (?) look. Her singing is rather drowned out by that balalaika... Considering the very Greek start, it goes very Eurovisiony very quickly especially when she got handed the tambourine of doom.

6) Israel - Poogy "Natati La Khaiai"

Sights of Israel is cut extremely short here - maybe there is not much to see or too much they don't want you too see. We then see the band in front of the logo all looking rather bemused a horrified to be honest.  After a few shots of them rehearsing we then see them commandeering a BBC tech bus and either smoking or chewing gum. Yonatan Rechter is the conductor and Poogy are now on stage.

Who knew that the Middle East was a hot bed of hairdressing and tank top industries...? Harry Hill got some sartorial inspirations from this lot for sure! After a bouncy rocky intro to the song the singing starts and it all goes a little weird to be honest. The visuals don't really go the they type of song they are singing. There is a very heavy ethnic feel to this in the chorus that isn't really needed. Am enjoying the layers and harmonies though.

7)  Yugoslavia - Korni Grupa "Generacija '42"

Once again the sights of Yugoslavia are few and far between and we go quite quickly into backstage footage. So much double denim in the room that Windows 95 Man might haemorrhage. However they show their light side by doing a little bit of slapstick comedy (or health and safety fail?) on the gardens with a rickety ladder. Taking charge is Zvonimir Skerl and on stage now is Korni

Gone are the denim outfits and they have come dressed in white dinner jackets with shirt and pants made out of the wrappers of Quality Street chocs (or the Communist equivalent) The start of the song is very ear catching but soon fades off into a weird Balkan ballad that really doesn't need all these instruments on it. The chorus is the best bit by far but is dwarfed by the mess around it

8) Sweden - ABBA "Waterloo"

Why does it feel like they are playing 'Run Rabbit Run' during this segment? Nordic buildings are seen for a few seconds before we see the main act posing for photo in front of the 1974 logo. Having them 'appear' on by one behind a giant spider plant is still very very funny.. And then, upstaging the whole show, Sven-Olof Walldoff enters the orchestra pit dressed s Napoleon himself.

As the first few pars hit, Agnetha and Anni-Frid trot down the walkway to start their song. As much as this song is really not my cup of tea; I can absolutely appreciate that time and effort has been taken to present this song well, especially when it comes to camera angles and the positioning of the two singers.

9) Luxembourg - Ireen Sheer "Bye Bye I Love You"

We get a couple of sights of Luxembourg (which is really underselling the place as it is bloody lovely!) mainly centred around a non-descript bridge before we move onto Basildon born Ireen (yes really) who is acting the star by conducting the photo op while slouching in the seat, holding a glass of something  and wearing dark sunglasses... We then see her merrily frolicking in the park like an animal set free from captivity. Waving the baton is Charles Blackwell and on stage is ar Ireen..

Ireen is a vision in mint and it must be said her and her backing singers look like they've just come from a local wedding. Ireen does sound a little tentative in French but sells the song visually very well. The chorus is a bit of a let down and it try to fancy rather than in your face.

10)  Monaco - Romuald "Celui qui reste et celui qui s'en va"

Unlike all the sights from other entries, the lucky camera people are able to get the whole of Monaco in one shot! It is just one big sight/site? Romuald does his meet and greet like he has just come back from a golfing trip with Ronnie Corbett. For a small change we see him sat on a park bench talking to his conductor Raymond Donnez, who then enters to Brighton Dome followed by Romulad himself.

Hang on? Have Lux and Mon done a time share on those backing singers?!?!?! Romuald has a very spangly jacket on which is very fetching! What follows is a very dreary French ballad which could have some from any French speaking nation for any period in time. It does sound VERY familiar in the chorus but cannot place it. I find myself transfixed by his hair which really is too puffy for his face.

11)  Belgium - Jacques Hustin "Fleur de liberté"

Some very random sights of Belgium here including a statue of someone holding a chair *shrugs shoulders* Jacques seems very happy and approachable in his VT although at one point seems to show a photographer how big his hands are *shrugs shoulders* Pierre Chiffre is here to conduct alongside Jacques's singing.

What follows is a rather pleasant song punctuated by Jacques absolutely overselling and passionately singing the song including some very abrupt armography. Shame no-one put 10p in the meter so we can actually see the backing singers. His collar/long hair combo makes it look like he has no neck. Slight lols when he finished the song then nearly falls over the plinth behind him

12) Netherlands - Mouth and MacNeal "I See a Star"

Sights of the Netherlands start us off and not a Tulip in sight (although the audio fills that gap!) Views of and from the many canals prove easy pickings. Rehearsal footage follows where the duo seen to be having a good time. These good times seem to get out of hand as they seem to join in Brighton University Rag Week. Oh those crazy Dutchies. Conducting is Harry Van Hoof and on stage is Mouth and MacNeil.

This is such a happy mish mash of the the Eurovision tropes and memes you would expect in the first 20 years of the show. Weird props, fairground instruments, call and response, whistling and two singers that should work as a duo but absolutely do. Even some bongo for no reason whatsoever! I've just realised the figures on the spinny thing are supposed to be them?!?!!? What craziness is this?!?!?!?

13)  Ireland - Tina Reynolds "Cross Your Heart"

Sights of Ireland include: a canal, random white office block and a church (of course) Most of Tina's section takes place outdoors, possibly because she's just come from a shift from serving tea and coffees on 'Brown's Coaches'. Tina seems really happy to be here which, considering the political situation between Ireland and the UK at the time, she must have been putting a brave face on things. Colman Pearce enters as does Tina.

Tina is wearing a very revealing lilac outfit for the time and is maybe wearing it to distract from the lack of 'song' and lyrics'. Behind her, three of her 'Brown's Coaches" buddies are on hand to sing and dance along with her. I feel like I have already heard this song several times tonight. The slew of la-la-las really twists the knife in.

14) Germany - Cindy and Bert"Die Sommermelodie"

The old and new of Germany (obviously West Germany) usher in Cindy and Bert. Is it me or are these clips either getting shorter and shorter or less interesting as we go along? Hand in hand they walk through some trees and walk about like they have not a care in the world. To much applause, Werner Scharfenberger and Cindy & Bert enter the auditorium.

Bert ,wearing a rather fetching green suit, and Cindy in a floaty pastel number both look rather summery, as the song suggests, however the start is rather minor and doesn't feel very positive. Although the song sounds better in the chorus, the pep and verve I was hoping for is much missing. At points one feels rather intrusive as they stare into each other's eyes and I feel myself mouthing 'get a room' We do get one nice close up of the backing singers which is nice for them.

15) Switzerland - Piera Martell "Mein Ruf nach dir"

Yes, the nation on houses, clocks and flags *makes a bit of a face* During the very brief section on rehearsal footage seemed rather focused and serious. In another nice change we see Piera interacting with some children in the gardens and looking *almost* human and happy! In walks Pepe Ederer to conduct followed by Piera.

Piera is wearing a(nother) floaty green outfit and her female backing singers are dressed similarly but in red and blue. The song starts off like a Germanic Alpine-driven Bond theme but slowly goes into bad soap theme tune not sung by Dennis Waterman. Piera has a very strong tone and a warble to her voice which to me does not suit this song. The German language also sounds very harsh here too. The chorus is much nicer than the verses. Feels more like two separate songs squashed together for... reasons...

16) Portugal - Paulo de Carvalho"E depois do adeus"

We start with the amazing slight of wonderful ancient plazas used as a massiv car park before short sharp shots of bridges, castles and walls. We then see Paulo doing his best silent comedy routine by messing about with the wires that make the broadcast possible and pulling lots of faces. Not only is he strong of mind but finishes off my doing pull ups on a local lamppost. George Formby could NEVER... Jose Calvario enters the fray followed by a more sobre Paulo...

Let's be honest, this is the kind of thing one could see in Festival da Canção any year EVER and would never ever sound out of place. This has a certain 'number from a rock musical' type feel to it and Paulo has an understated confidence in singing it and just stands there are gets the job done. Of course, nobody really knew what this song would later mean to the people of Portugal as this live performance was one of the secret signals to alert rebel captains and soldiers to begin the coup that started the Carnation Revolution. Chapeau sir!

17) Italy - Gigliola Cinquetti "Sì"

For a place of classical architecture such as Italy we see, well, very little of it, mostly a brick wall and some cherubs. We see Gigliola in rehearsal looking rather relaxed, if not nonplussed. Our final competitive conductor Gianfranco Monaldi appears as does Gigliola on stage.

On a similar note to the Portuguese entry I feel like this sound could literally have appeared at any Sanremo since the dawn of time. There is something effortlessly classy out this although I feel that the 'art' of this actually gets in the way of a decent humable tune. Gigliola also seems to have come dressed as a toilet roll cover and seems to be backed by a set of quadruplets. Love the dramatic turn into the second verse - a triumph for the orchestra!

INTERVAL

Les Wombles!!! They are going around Brighton picking up litter - how very wholesome and on brand! Luckily the weather doesn't look too hot otherwise I feel like it would have been murder in those costumes. They even get on a speedboat - lets hope those 'costumes' are water resistant or they can all swim...? They then get on what looks like Brum's grandad then have a go on some fairground rides.Glad to see they are using their second best song "Remember you're a Womble" in this segment as using the xmas one is rather out of timescale... At the end, one appears with a rose for Katie and a 'Vote for The Wombles' placard which is frankly too late in the process now!!!!

Does this mean we could have had Hey Duggee or the Teletubbies as interval in Liverpool???? I feel short changed now.... However I am now already campaigning for Australia to have a Bluey inspired interval act (with special guest star Jean Luc...??? Please....!!?!?!)