2014 SOA episode 6

It's the last Shite or Alright podcast!!!!

I don't know if it was just Eurovision fatigue, our general mardyness or that the first 3 songs on the podcast weren't particularly inspiring but it took us a fair while to warm up today. However we do have a VERY special culinary guest to cheer us up (not really). And as this is the final review podcast we then work out who our overall winner is!!!

Topics today include Shakira's boobs, the Cliffhanger game on The Price is Right, the suggestion that DR don't use maps during the final, the song "When I'm cleaning windows", we have some words from our sponsors and we end with an epic off the cuff unrehearsed dubstep breakdown!!!

Today's songs come from Albania, Azerbaijan, Ukraine, Finland, France and Malta.

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You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/2014SOA6

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2014 SOA episode 5

Episode 5 of the Eurovision podcast that pulls no punches...

Unfortunately no sign of Don Wessel this time (you can solve THAT story for yourselves) however we have gone back to our formula of backing small businesses... even if the adverts are truly appalling...

We start this podcast where we we left the last one and should probably be renamed 'the sexual health clinic" based episode"... The English language police are back, I'm rude about Charlotte Perrelli (again), Jopijedd has an excuse to make seagull noises (again), I suggest they need to relocate BBC WM's "Hunted (you either get that reference, or you don't) and finally *FINALLY* we agree on a proper contender!!

Music comes from Portugal, Moldova, Latvia, UK, San Marino and Hungary

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You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/2014SOA5

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2014SOA episode 4

Time for episode 4 of Shite or Alright!

This week, after some hard work scouring the internet for a suitable partner, we have corporate sponsorship (although I'm not sure how much trouble we will get from it!) The podcast seems to be full of a lot of very angry women today - and I certainly get ranty near the end! We discuss the downside of EDM music, wonder if Roger Whittaker will be making a comeback, compare one song to a Black Lace number which is a favourite of ours on 3-2-1, discuss if the Claudia Wincklefringe has a place in Eurovision and one song makes me have *very* inappropriate images come into my head....
Sorry about the slightly odd editing... but we're not the BBC so you can put up with it !!!!

On the Eurovision menu today we have Switzerland, Israel, Spain, Montenegro, Estonia and Sweden.

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You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/2014SOA4

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2014SOA episode 3

After a short Easter break we are back with episode 3 of Shite or Alright!

As you will hear, Jopijedd doesn't like chewing!
This week, we mention the delights of Italian shopping (although getting to Italy has been a problem) we think about all the Belgian/Flemish music we like who *could* have done Eurovision instead, we think about who would *easily* beat Cheryl Cole in a bitch fight and we suggest that one artist's next logical step is Glastonbury! we only live down the road so they could stay with us!!!!

This week we listen to Poland, Russia, Italy, Belgium, Romania and Austria.

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You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/2014SOA3

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2014SOA episode 2

Another Eurovision podcast!

The gruesome twosome have another domestic live on air and generally shout over each other in a unprofessional manner!

We have some brand-spanking-new, up-to-date and ultra-modern show sponsors this week... however (as you can tell) I'm not too impressed with the second one! We compare one act to Morrissey, another to Gramophonedzie (remember them guys and gals?!?!) and sing the German national national according to Stefan Raab... I then suggest one song sounds like "What would Brian Boitano do?" and we discover which contestant has the most West Country name... all in just over an hour!
And I am very sorry for my husband's very bad Shakespeare impression....

Today we rip apart Slovenia, Armenia, Lithuania, Germany, Greece and Norway.


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You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/DVVH2014SOA2

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2014SOA episode 1

The rule book is out the window - Shite or Alright is back!!!!

As ever, @mrs_forky and @jopijedd get out the claws and review this year's Eurovision songs.
If you're new to the review podcast - welcome - but there are a few things you need to remember:
a) there is generally lots of swearing
b) the points system -    1 point - shite         2 - trite        3 - quite         4 - alright          5 - meteorite
c) there is quite a lot of swearing
d) she's the eurovision fan - he's just a passenger/hostage
e) there is an awful lot of swearing

Apart from the obvious Eurovision 'fun' we have a message from one of our loyal sponsors, sing far too many songs about time, moan about the word 'featuring', show off our knowledge of the Rubberbandits' back catalogue, slag off Paul Hollywood and generally swear a lot (and that's without mentioning the naughty words in the Danish entry!)

This week we get the chance to listen to FYR Macedonia, The Netherlands, Ireland, Georgia, Iceland, Belarus and this year's hosts Denmark

Follow us on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/DVVHolland
or like our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/DVVHolland to find get the latest information about blogposts and podcasts or even have a look back at our old ones :o)

You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/2014SOA1

Click here to listen to this podcast in your usual music player (M3U Playlist)

2014 RANKINGS

1) AUSTRIA

Adele and James Bond's loss is Eurovision's gain. This song has been a revelation. I was hoping for an up-tempo number but this song has so much attitude and verve but also brings out the feistiness of Conchita. She will sell this and sing this with passion - I just know it won't get the votes it deserves.

2) MALTA

This is a grower. Although I didn't think that much of it during preselection, it has slowly crept up the rankings. However I must admit that the video is just STUNNING  and gives an extra dimension to the song's meaning. The singers in Firelight are so harmonious and technically on point.

3) HUNGARY

A slow song with dubstep choruses really but importantly the words reflect the tempo. A great song that also contains a serious message on the subject of domestic violence - something portrayed in his performance, Kallay-Saunders has a great voice but will need to work on his camera presence to sell it.

4) MONTENEGRO

Initially, you may be mistaken that this was the Irish entry. This slow rhythmical ballad in the local tongue won't be easy to understand, which will lose it votes, but the tune of the song is stunning - as is the wonderful touristy video! Sergej will hopefully make this the country's first final qualification!

5) GREECE
Not a whiff of balalaika or souk to be heard! A fantastic retro dance song with the odd sample of Balkan-esque trumpets. Although rapping at Eurovision is not the best thing to do, it contrasts with the repetitive choruses. Freaky Fortune & Riskykidd need to make sure the country can afford to win first.

6) FRANCE

This is a great summery dance tune with a great sense of fun and rhythm. Although it is mostly in French the song there is more emphasis on the rhythm than the lyrics of the song. With a bit of thought this could be a really visual number with TwinTwin's individual sense of styling.

7) LITHUANIA

This has the best intro this year and sets out the stall of the song straight away. The verses are simplistic but the bridge is quite special and choruses are really punchy and memorable. The dancing always works well. Vilija has a great personality but needs to make sure the story of the song comes through.

8) BELGIUM

This is a very sweet yet also dramatic ballad. The song really grows and the live versions, although not perfect, have always been better than the recorded version. But Axel needs to watch his French accent. Just a shame the Axel's stylists has dressed him up as the "Go Compare" man.

9)  ROMANIA

This is the typical mixed tempo Eurovision fayre that we would expect to find in the contest. The chorus is ear catching and has lots of different beats to it. Paul and Ovi are returners to the contest and know how this thing works. Paula's note near the end is quite literally a miracle!

10) NORWAY

This year's "Birds". This emotionally driven song will speak to all even if they don't understand English. It is quiet and unassuming which will make it stand out among all the busyness. Carl Epsen's voice is even more surprising when you seen he is a rather butch, tattooed ginger.

11) ISRAEL

A really modern contemporary song that would not feel out of place on the playlists of Heart (not so much a good thing)  the chorus is really memorable and the song have a very sinister dark feeling. Mei has a fantastically velvety rock-edged voice and should put on a really good show.

12) UNITED KINGDOM

For the first time in a while, the UK has taken the contest and bit more seriously or at least treated it with some respect. This thumping song has a great progression and a chanting quality to it. Molly has also proved she can sing this live, which gives me great confidence in a good finish.

13) ARMENIA

What starts off a slow ballad turns into an angry, shouty rant. This is a very individual song and will stand out a mile with its dark mood and dubstep backing track. Still, the fact that Aram MP3 did not sing this live during the presentation show bugs me and makes me doubt he can do this properly live.

14) FYR MACEDONIA

A modern dance number with lots of instrumental parts. This song has grown on me over the weeks and feel that choosing the song in English was ultimately the best choice. Tijana has an interesting look and an even more interesting voice - hopefully her deep tones will entice the voters!

15) SWITZERLAND

Singing, fiddling and whistling - all in one song! The whistling motif is infectious, catchy and language beating! Sebalter is not the best singer, doesn't have the best pronunciation but he knows how to work a camera. Let's hope he stays in time with the music all the way through.

16) IRELAND

Another typical Irish uptempo song with fiddle and dancers to boot. The chorus is anthemic and the start is also strong. The verses and bridge don't sit quite as well. The backing track needs more oomph and beat to keep it driving on. Kasey is a good singer but needs to put on a show.

17) ICELAND

The song sounds like a theme tune to a 1990's CBBC show. The singers work well together and the main singer does well during all the stutter parts. The outfits are really memorable and the dad dancing is quite funny. If only Pollapönk had kept this in Icelandic it'd be in my top 5.

18) SAN MARINO

This Siegel penned song is a whimsical, thoughtful ballad which suits Valentina's jazzy voice. The title is very prominent and memorable but it may have been better to have something in Italian again. Hopefully she will having something visual to go with it. Will this be 3rd time lucky for Valentina?

19) POLAND

This song has been a huge hit in its homeland and the video has been a viral hit on youtube. Although in Polish, the song has an unmistakable rhythm, is really repetitive and gets you clapping along. Not sure if Donatan and Cleo are a little too in your face and urban for Eurovision...

20) GERMANY

This is a song that is quite literally a mix of everything so much that it almost sounds like nothing. Part oompah band, part folk, part Slavic, part klezmer and should appeal to many people. It has a good beat, a memorable chorus, and the lead singer of Elaiza has a distinctive tone and range.

21) PORTUGAL

This is a real party/carnival song with hints of Lambada, Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez about it. With a energetic and colourful stage show this could do much better. The chorus is very memorable and singalongable even in Portuguese. However, Suzy needs to be more energetic on stage.

22) SPAIN

This is a typical Spanish ballad which goes far too over the top. The chorus is memorable but it takes to long to get there and too long to get to the dramatic ending. Although Ruth Lorenzo is known to UK viewers this may fall flat elsewhere as they run from their TVs due to the size of her mouth.

23) FINLAND

I would say this was the only rock song in the contest although more in the style of Brit Pop than Lordi. The song has weak verses although the chorus is very chanty. The mid section clap-along 'oh-oh-oh' bit gets you clapping and singing along. Softengine may find themselves low on the scoreboard.

24) ESTONIA

Very much inspired by Loreen's "Euphoria" in terms of musical style and from that view it is a little predictable. The tune of the song is quite good but the lyrics don't quite make sense to me.  However the performance is quite a sight to behold as Tanja's dance routine out-Loreen's Loreen.

25) DENMARK

The title holders look to win again with this Motown number. The song is radio friendly and modern and his voice is very ear catching. However it's all a little bit knowing, smug and self assured. The dancers are also really annoying and over the top. Basim is less Bruno Mars, more Bruno Uranus.

26) LATVIA

The underdog of Eurovision. The song is a very simplistic ditty obviously written about the lead singer's admiration of The Great British Bake Off (is there a Latvian version..?) Intensely annoying/catchy/earwormy. Aarzemnieki will, whatever the result, bring some fun to the proceedings.

27) MOLDOVA

A typical Moldovan song - a big belter of a ballad with a dubstep breakdown. Goes a bit too high in the chorus. The staging was quite something in the national finals with funny mirrors, scarves attached to drones controlled by dancing Mongol soldiers. But Cristina has *THE* dress of the contest.

29) UKRAINE

After numerous remixes and rewrites we have a final version which is akin to mid-tempo '70s guitar led disco. The intro is too long, the key is too high and the ending too abrupt. It's a weak tune with even more unintelligible lyrics. Not quite sure if Mariya can actually pull this version off live.

30) AZERBAIJAN

At least there will be no annoying man in a box this year... A slow dramatic ballad with ethnic tones. A song you can listen to but not sing to. Sounds like a song from a movie that doesn't work outside the movie. If you can understand a word Dilara says then you're obviously a fan of Norman Collier.

31) GEORGIA

The most individual song of the year and is quite the assault on the senses. Not the most singalongable of songs but this is true to The Shin's musical style.  Just when you've got your head around the oddly chorded yodeling it goes into a proper song. Not sure if this is SEN or gifted & talented...

32) SLOVENIA

An odd dual language song that doesn't really progress very from start to finish. The stage act during the national final was a bit too staged for my liking. This is not a bad song - just a boring one. Tinkara plays the flute on stage however whacking someone on the head with it may give better entertainment value.

33) NETHERLANDS

An anti climax from last year's 9th place. This quiet country song is a bit too quiet and a bit too country for my taste. It starts and keeps on going with no ebb or flow, peaks and troughs. Although the Common Linnets are well known in their home country, this style won't be translating into votes.

34) ALBANIA
This *was* a nice song when sung in Albanian and with a in your face intro that made it almost 4 minutes long. Now it sounds unintelligible, forced, fake and odd. The tune if you can get past the weirdness is half decent. Plus, Herci has been turned into "Little Miss Emo" and it doesn't suit her.

35) ITALY

Not quite sure what all the fuss is about this song. For the most part is looks messy and sounds even messier. The verses are really forgetful and the choruses sound like Emma is having a slanging match with the other instruments. This is Eurovision, not a crowd surfing convention or fashion show.

36) SWEDEN

I really do not get this song. Not only is the tune similar to a dog's whine but some of the lyrics are an abomination of the English language. It is a very slow winy number which actually doesn't have that much of a positive message. The mid-20s Sanna looks more like a desperate menopausal cougar.

37) RUSSIA

It is not often I can hear a Eurovision song five times and have NO recollection of it whatsoever. This is a very weak and half-hearted entry from a country that normally finds itself in the top 10 on a regular basis. The Tolmachevy Twins may have won Junior Eurovision, but they won't be doing the double. 

2014/10

So... this is it... all 37 songs have been heard!!!

In a jam packed week we've seen a lot of rush of Eurovision action!
We had finals in Greece, Germany, Norway, Moldova, Portugal and Belgium, plus song presentations from Georgia, San Marino, Armenia, Azerbaijan... but also two very late declarations from Austria and Russia.

There was also the EBU meeting on Monday which saw them provisionally set Eurovision for 2015 as well as draw Denmark's place in the final.
Finally I take a brief look at some of the official videos that have been released of the entries - needless to say I'd probably go back to Switzerland if Sebalter was in charge of my hotel!!!

In non-Eurovision news you learn about my leg trouble and my head trouble (possibly a little bit TMI!)
You can sponsor me for Sport relief here - http://my.sportrelief.com/sponsor/annsquires

Music from Georgia, Romania and Spain as well as a fond farewell to Jean Valee from Belgium.
Follow us on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/DVVHolland
or like our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/DVVHolland to find get the latest information about blogposts and podcasts or even have a look back at our old ones :o)

You can download or listen to it here https://archive.org/details/DVVH140319Recap010

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RUSSIA

The Russian entry was revealed on March 19th. Rossija 1 initially planned national final in March called Kto? (Who). However this was postponed until after the Sotchi Olympics. It was then announced that they had scrapped this selection procedure and were now looking at an internal selection. With just a week to go, they announced that the 2006 Junior Eurovision winners, The Tolmachevy Sisters would be going to Copenhagen. The song they are singing is "Shine"

The presentation is the studio version of the song over what feels like a very rushed and/or cheap video. The video is a mashed together selection of the twins' pictures since their success in Junior Eurovision. Ironically the video also contains subtitles - is this a subliminal message that maybe you can't understand what they are saying?

This is not a live performance which is a shame as I always like to see how voices sound under pressure. You also have the added influence of having two voices which sound very similar. I would guess that the girls will sing the song with little fuss in the middle of the stage, possibly singing to each other with 4 backing singers off to one side.

The song is a mid tempo song with a rocky chorus. The girls sing the song together, initially singing the same tune and then shining in harmony, both of which could show up any flaws. Their voices are quite low in the mix in the song which sounds quite odd. Their pronunciation is OK. the instrumental is odd as the voices doing the vocal gymnastic doesn't sound like them at all.

I have many issues with this song. Firstly it's not a strong song or melody and I think it may well get lost amongst the emotional ballads and strong beats of semi-final one. I also predict that the song won't have a string visual aspect either. Added to this that there voices (at least in this version) seem very small and weak and I seriously wonder it they have the power to carry off the song live. Finally, I feel that the emotions of the crowd will mean this will get a very poor reception.

One also has to bear in mind the political situation Russia is in at the moment. I suspect that although the juries may judge this song fairly, many of the televoters will not. They twins may well ahve won Junior Eurovision but there will be no repeat in proper ESC. Normally I would say that as it is Russia, they will qualify. I feel this *may just* qualify and bomb in the final but I would be very happy to see this very DNQ. I know that Eurovision should not be used for political protests but I think this would be a very public platform for Russia to see what other countries think of them.

I hope the girls know what they've let themselves in for and their presence may not be warmly welcomed...

Artist - Tolmachevy Sisters

Song - Shine

Music - Philipp Kirkorov, Dimitris Kontopoulos

Lyrics - John Ballad, Ralph Charlie, Gerard James Borg

AUSTRIA

The Austrian entry was revealed on March 18th firstly on the radio station Ö3 then during an official press conference in Vienna and finally the video was revealed on the eurovision.tv website. Way back in September, ORF announced that they had chosen Conchita Wurst as their next Eurovision representative. The song she will be singing is "Rise like a phoenix".

This was a music video clip, so Conchita was not singing live. This said, there are a lot of clip of her singing live, in particular the Austrian National final of 2012. It would have been nice to see a live version in front of an audience to gauge the interaction with the fans with the some kind of reaction from the crowd.

The video takes pace in quite a plain white studio punctuated but chaise lounges, red drapes, rose petals and a bath! Conchita wears a number of different dresses (as well as none when in the bath) and sings to the camera. There is not really very much of a narrative but you do get a good idea of the type of character Conchita is and the kind of act you might get on the stage. The only voice heard is Conchita's and I would guess that she will be the only one on stage in Copenhagen.

The best way to describe is to say it a ballad in the style of a Shirley Bassey performed James Bond theme tune. There are lots of strings and drums and build up to a really dramatic finish. The verses are nothing special but the choruses really show off her vocal range - even more so in the very final key change. The lyrics really reflect her character and what she stands for and it certainly a song she can feel and hopefully emote to the audience and hopefully go down a storm in the hall.

Although I think that Conchita is an amazing singer I was slightly disappointed with the style of song as I was really hoping for something a little more uptempo and more engaging to the ears. The tune of the song is a little unpredictable and you have to listen to it a good few times before it stays in your ear. The start of the chorus (which just so happens to contain the title of the song) is not terribly legible. Finding out what the staging will look like will be interesting.

Let's be honest this has been a very controversial choice. Whether you like it or not many countries will find this act very shocking. There have even been petitions in Belarus and Russia to try and censure this act then it appears on the stage in Copenhagen. This kind of publicity will affect her vote in some countries but will increase it in others. Many people will look at the ideals that Conchita embodies and will find many groups of people will support her wholeheartedly.

Whichever way you look at it this will get a lot of publicity before the contest but I am not at all sure this will turn into votes. In a semi-final with many Eastern European countries this may well find itself on the cusp of the qualification and therefore in danger. That said, if it does go to the final it will get votes from all of the Big 5 so may do better in the final than semi-final.

Artist - Conchita Wurst

Song - Rise like a phoenix

Music - Charley Mason, Joey Patulka, Ali Zuckowski, Julian Maas

Lyrics - Charley Mason, Joey Patulka, Ali Zuckowski, Julian Maas