The hallway of Hallowe'en horrors!

Hello!

I am back (I haven't really been away but that's something different) and I have returned with another of our themed podcasts - this time with a slightly blood-curdling and stomach-churning theme of October 31st!

To get back into the swing of Eurovision I have compiled a few topical songs that have a Halloween-ish feel... I mean do I have to spell it out for you - they are all really obvious... apart from one... Some might say the singer of this band looked a bit ghoulish but for me the title of the song sums up everything I feel about this simultaneously new and old occasion!

So, you can follow all the fun and games on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/ESCarmchair  
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You can download or listen to the latest podcast here - https://archive.org/details/ESChalloween

Click here to listen to this podcast in your usual music player (M3U Playlist)

What's (in) another year....?

When I came up with the idea or this blogpost I had a load of categories, ideas and things in mind that I would be able to write about. However having written about three quarters of it I then realised that most of the things I was trying to get off my chest were so inter-related and intertwined it was hard to keep my thoughts in my original order. I’d write one thing then realise I have already said it somewhere else. So I’ve kind of scrapped it – as was.

When thinking back to last year’s contest there are a few threads that connect the acts that did well and a different thread that draws those ‘lower table’ acts. Nothing that you will read will be a surprise or be anything new but some of these things are thethings I feel I’d love to see (or not see) in 2018

‘Real’ Music

Real meaning real instruments and real style.

OK as much as I would love to see the orchestra make at Eurovision, it realistically isn’t going to happen. But since Conchita won in 2014, the status of a fully orchestrated backing track has gained momentum. And after the jESC winner of 2016 and ESC winner of 2017 having highly orchestrated backing , with lengthy introductions, it feels like electronic over-production is out – proper instruments are in. I mean Kaliopi’s “Dona” is quite the laughable sham. The faux violins makes it almost laughable.

However if you are going to do electronic music it also needs to be done right. If you are going to show your guitar rock roots - do it with pride. If you have an 90’s Britpop edge – go for it. If you are a bright young (or even tarnished old) schlager puppet – show them what you are made of. Whatever you do it must be done wholeheartedly. In addition one could almost extend this feeling to the national broadcaster and the delegation. If the ‘team’ doesn’t have the energy, belief and oooomph( as well as a bit of money) you might as well turn up in a t-shirt haying ‘We’re going to lose!”

If there is one thing we’ve learnt about modern Eurovision – safe doesn’t work. Middle of the road might as well be ‘bottom of the scoreboard’. Being a Marmite act/song is no bad thing. Having a loyal, niche audience that really loves your song is much better than everybody saying ‘it’s ok’. The latter will never extrapolate into votes.

National Sounds

Although Salvador won in 2017 and it is easy just to contrue this into ‘Europe likes languages’ there is a slightly bigger thing going on here. Looking back at previous Eurovision’s the number of fully or partly non-English songs has been dwindling. But when done right, this small proportion of entries has been punching above its weight e.g. Il Volo in 2015, Zoe and Amir in 2016 (even though it pains me to say it as I have no idea why these did so well in the first play but hey ho!)

Although not my favoured form of selection, internal selections can offer more edgy entries. It also gives the selected act a free reign to do something in their style and be more true to their artistic selves.This system may also entice bigger starts into the mix. I am hoping that in this coming Eurovision season we see national finals with more languages and also more national styles. Although I am not the biggest fan of Balkan ballads they have been lacking in stature and power of late and the Swedification of entries (I’m looking at you Cyprus, Georgia and Azerbaijan in particular!) has started to irk me. I don’t necessarily want every Greek entry to contain a bouzouki or every Russian song to start with a balalaika intro or any Nordic entry to allude to the nyckelharpa. I do, however want to feel like I am listening to a new story, a new place, a new point of view.

In other words Jon Henrik please be third time lucky !!!!!

Less is More

Although it has kind of sneaked up on us all without noticing, there is a real trend of (almost) solo singers winning Eurovision of late. Conchita and Salvador won with no backing singers, Mans and Jamala had hidden backing singers but had a busy backdrop while even Loreen’s sparce performance had hidden backing singers and the help of one dancer.

To open this further it seems that uber-theatrical pyros, superfluous backing singers/dancers and over-cinemantic backdrops are now blasé. In a classic case Joci Papai’s dancer/violinist combo seemed to strike a chord as both helped to emphasise the story and the use of ‘ethnic’ instrumentation throughout the song. Blanche’s simple yet vulnerable staging but with very clever camerawork, justifiably won over the hearts of Europe But Demy’s confusing staging (and slightly over salacious dancers) AND Anja’s overblown use of pryos during the last minute probably left most people thinking ‘It looks like they think they’ve already won’. No-one likes a cocky smart arse.

Although I enjoy the spectacle of teh light shows and video screens, I sometimes wish they'd get way from it. I think aEurovision song and staging should not just be able on its present stage but if it works on the 1987 stage too then even better.

This all said and done, what I am trying to say is don’t try too hard and don’t add too much. You are selling a SONG. Of you try too hard you will end up selling running travelators or Hawaiian shirts instead

Diversity ✔ Individuality  ✔ … Family?

It’s always nice when a country gets its first win but it’s also nice when a new language or a different style of song/singer wins. This year we had a couple of firsts in “Amar Pelos Dois” First win for Portugal in Portuguese and writer, Luisa, being the very first woman to be credited as a sole writer and composer of a winning song.

In all seriousness – where have Mr and Mrs Sobral been hiding these two???

Are there any more children to come out of the woodwork for the double win?!?!

Surprise aside, do we need to see more of ‘the family’? Looking back over Eurovision history there haven’t been many Eurovision winners nay entries written and performed by family members (by this I don’t mean married couples I am thinking more blood relatives) OG3NE’s entry was written by their father and you could tell that the song and the whole experience meant a lot to them. Francesco’s brother had a composing credit on “Occidentali’s Karma’.  I think that this also links back to having a tight team. Seriously how many of the other delegations could have the songwriter sang the songs for the actual singer during rehearsals…?  Or maybe rehearsals are overrated. Maybe rehearsals are for sissies.

For everyone like me who was over the moon Salvador won and that Joci rocked the televoting and that Francesco got a reasonable finishing place (although he was my fave there was never any way he was going to win) there will be someone else distraught at the result. I just hope that this coming Eurovision brings lots of different things but most of all that all the entries have a string of truth, passion, encourangement and heart that runs through it, its singer, its team… all the way back to the country of origin. 

Secret ESC Karaoke 2017

So, this is my two penn'orth during the quiet time in the ESC calendar... If you are interested, dive in, but if you are not maybe you could help the cause by retweeting or sharing the post to get word around and raise more awareness before the sign up date.

This is the inaugural Secret ESC Karaoke where us Eurofans far and wide come together to sing each other songs! Hopefully I am going to try and do this every summer although for many reasons I didn’t quite get up and running as soon as I would have liked! Maybe next year I will try and set the system up just after ESC itself so I can publicise it at the peak time (and give us all something to offset our PED!)

SO WHAT IS IT?!?!?

The easiest way to explain this is to look at a different project I've been involved in called “Karaoke Secret Santa”. It's basically a group of people who sign up (each person knows 1-2 other people but not everyone). Instead of sending everyone a Christmas card or gift – which might be quite tricky, time consuming and expensive if the participants live as far apart as the UK, the US and Australia – you sing them a song!

Here is the link to the secret santa youtube account where all the songs are pooled together by all the participants over the last few years - including some of my own paltry attempts.

HOW DO I JOIN?!?!?!?

First of all you sign up (that’s the easy bit) If you click on here and input your details you will get your own page to set up your own questions, answers and wish lists. Then at the start of September you will be paired up with another participant and they you choose something from their wish list to record. That's the easy bit!

WHAT SHALL I WISH FOR?!?!?!??!

Now, the elfster site is primarily set up for actual real life gift swapping so the best option is to just write out each ‘wish’ using the text option on the wish list tab.

As this is a ESC inspired wish list you should think of songs, singers, countries or even NFs that you love. I personally like to start each wish with a title or genre e.g. pet country, favourite contest, fave Irish entry, best ESC artist, Melfest flop, fave last place song, should have won NF, song/act that was robbed, sexiest language, funniest lyric, best prop/gimmick, Fave dance routine, best joke entry, best interval act, best jESC song/singer etc. etc. You are very much allowed to add 3-5 suggestions for each category – the more suggestions you make, the more choice your sender has! If you look at my wish list you can see how I have set it up - although you can add to your list, change it and delete things in the time left. They are not set in stone until swap day!

Please remember that the sign up date is at the start of September so if your wish list is done before that date, your sender has more time to work out which song they are performing AND how they are performing it! If the person you've been swapped with does not have a wishlist set up you can send them an anonymous message (find their profile, click on 'send a message' then make sure the anonymous box in the bottom corner is ticked) asking them to publish a list of songs. You could even suggest catagories if you wish.

DOES IT MEAN I HAVE TO SING?!?!?!?

Nope.

You can do whatever you like – be creative.

You could sing it with a backing track in your bedroom, lip-sync along, recite the words in the style of a spoken word poet, create (or recreate) the dance routine, play the tune on a kazoo, recreate the song with sand art, make a lyric video or even film yourself singing the song at your local karaoke bar!!! You can rope in the help of others (human and otherwise), use costume, sets and props to help you in your performance. You can try and do the whole thing in one shot or if you are a editing whizz you might be able to add different camera angles, shots or settings!

OR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT !!!!!

You may, however, get a wishlist beyond your scope of knowledge... Help is out there!
For entries between 1956 and 2013 you can use diggiloo.net to help you with lyrics, especially if they are not in your mother tongue or one you not familiar with. There are also English translations of most songs so you have a better idea what you might be singing about! Some entries may have been recorded in alternative languages which may also appear here. If you fancy singing a well known song with a attitude, there are also 'covers' websites such as http://eurocovers.blogspot.co.uk if you fancy a different spin on your song singing. If you are stuck for tracks to sing along with that might not be in your collection there'ss plenty of ESC related content on spotify and youtube, in particular, official videos and live versions of ESC tracks can be found at https://www.youtube.com/user/eurovision . These might also give you some ideas of props or staging for your own video.
If in doubt - google it!!!!!! (but please don't yodel it - you'll be put on my banned list!)

If you are still a bit bewildered, send me a DM on twitter (or send SecretESCkaraoke an anonymous message on elfster) and I can see what I can do

WHAT DO I DO ON GIFT SWAP DAY?

At some point before swap day you need to have filmed your 'entry' and got it ready for uploading. You will then have to keep it under wraps until nearer the deadline to upload it to your video service (most people will have a you tube or vimeo account). You then name it, leave a description, then on swap day either email, tweet, facebook or leave a message on the elftser wall telling the recipient that you have made them a video leaving them the URL. On the elfter website you also have the option to leave messages anonymously if you want to keep everything under wraps even more !

The thing is I have been doing the xmas karaoke for ages now and year 1 is always the worst one because things need time to set up – if you go through the rigmarole this year, next year will be much, MUCH easier !!! 

If you need more help to find things, set stuff up or have any other questions either leave a message at the bottom of the blog, or leave a post on the elfster site (if you decided to #joinus - see what I did there) or tweet me at @ESCarmchair x

Eurovision 2017 FINALS

Well the big day is here!

The semis were (generally) predictable although it is a real shame that Finland did not qualify.

Anyways here is my list of the songs in today's final in my order of preference, I don't expect the final ranking to be ANYTHING like this! A few opinions have changed since my pre-contest ranking - for better and for worse - due to the semis and rehearsals. Bookies faves are Portugal, Italy, Bulgaria and Belgium and I expect most of the running to be made by these four, unless the hype behind slightly less thought of countries (e.g. Sweden, UK, Armenia) put spanners into the works.

Just to remind you that each country's jury will give a 1-12 vote and the national televote will give ANOTHER 1-12 vote. I expect,like last year, that the jury top 5 will be very different to the televoting top 5. Disaporas such as Armenia, Romania and Poland will skew these results a little and as Russia is not here this year, one can only wonder where the Russian diaspora will vote (probably Bulgaria, Belarus or possibly even Poland and Ukraine) and if this extra shove will make a noticable difference

01 ITALY   Francesco Gabbani - Occidentali's Karma

This song is so much fun. Francesco has amazing charisma on stage. This translates to those in the audience as well as through the camera. I think Europe (and the world) needs something to raise their spirits.

02  PORTUGAL   Salvador Sobral - Amar pelos dois

There are almost no words. This song just creeps into your being. The crowd falls deadly silent and are transfixed to Salavador’s every word. It is like a moment of calm during a storm (see what I did there…)

03  HUNGARY   Joci Pápai - Origo

Such an addictive and passionate song. Many people scoff at the Hungarian rap but its directness is needed to contrast against the tune and heart of the rest of the song. Plus the dancer (and fiddler) tell the story so well

04  MOLDOVA   SunStroke Project - Hey, Mamma!

This band are so tight and experienced at what they do, it really shows on stage. The whole wedding theme is very clever and the girls get into the Sunstroke spirit. Maybe this be the next wedding dance craze…

05  BELGIUM   Blanche - City Lights

I was sceptical about this song’s chances because I was scared it would be staged badly. Luckily, the staging has been kept simple and Blanche has grown in confidence, selling the song like a trooper.

06  NETHERLANDS   OG3NE - Lights and Shadows

The 3 sisters have been singing together so long they have a supreme confidence and assurance  - they never do a bad show. A great power ballad with a beautiful story. Will get a high jury score.

07  BELARUS   Naviband -  Historyja majho žyccia

I was convinced this would not qualify. The duo looks happy and perky on stage although I am scared one of them will fall of the boat. If you don’t join in the ‘hey hey hey’ bit you must not be human!

08 AZERBAIJAN   Dihaj - Skeletons

Love the staging for this (although I still have no idea what’s going on) and she looks at home in this stylised setting.. Dihaj’s vocals are much better than I envisaged and she connects well down the camera lens.

09 UKRAINE   O.Torvald - Time

I have a bit of a soft spot for this one but won’t do well. Shame they got rid of the clock motif and am not sure about the huge head next to them on stage. It will appeal to those with alternative tastes.

10 SWEDEN   Robin Bengtsson - I Can't Go On

This is such a well oiled ship. Everybody knows what they are doing and has been rehearsed within an inch of its life. I just wish Robin was a bit more personable and he had a moment to freestyle.

11 NORWAY   JOWST ft. Aleksander Walmann - Grab the Moment

The setting of this song and the way it is portrayed on screen is very unique and stands out a country mile. It is very catchy but it a bit of a slow burn. Still not sure how they got away with the sampled vocals.

12 UNITED KINGDOM   Lucie Jones - Never Give Up on You

The staging using the mirrors is very clever and sucks the camera in. Lucie has a great voice and engaging personality. Yes, it will probably be up there after the jury score but any placing above 20 should be considered a win.

13 CYPRUS  Hovig - Gravity

Hovig and his dancers have got this staging down pat even though most of it is stolen from Loic’s show a few years ago but we’ll ignore that for now. He has also grown vocally and knows when to sell the song.

14 AUSTRALIA   Isaiah Firebrace - Don't Come Easy

Although Isaiah has a soulful voice, this song doesn’t show it off to its best. The turntable is a great idea but he looks like he's concentrating on the choreography, he forgets to focus on what he does best – sing.

15 POLAND    Kasia Moś – Flashlight

I am glad this qualified (she is a very good singer) but this song is very confused. She switches to tune too much and garbles the lyrics. Not sure about the backdrop or why her brother is playing the fiddle.

16 GREECE   Demy -  This Is Love

Demy sings this adequately although her backing singers are very high in the mix. The paddling pool/almost naked dancers shtick is painfully twee and makes this look cheap. Still abhor the soppy ending.

17 CROATIA  Jacques Houdek - My Friend

Marmite time. On one hand, Jacques sings the living daylights out of this with supreme confidence. On the other hand the way he’s dressed is silly, the backdrop is too corny and the fiddler needs to get lost!

18 AUSTRIA   Nathan Trent - Running on Air

Another song and performance in the twee pile. Although Nathan is a good enough singer and the performance does exactly what is says on the tin it feels very safe and comfortable and therefore average.

19 BULGARIA   Kristian Kostov - Beautiful Mess

I know this will probably win but this leaves me cold. Yes, he’s a good singer but the staging is too bare. Wide shots of the crowd made them look bored and uninterested. The falsetto is also too much.

20 ARMENIA   Artsvik - Fly With Me

Style over substance. The close up shots don’t work and I find the constant touching of her face quite menacing. I love the dancers but there needs to be more of them. Shame it’s a 2min intro and 1 min of proper song.

21 DENMARK   Anja Nissen - Where I Am

Having been placed between Italy and Portugal, this is been universally designated the ‘piss break song’. She is becoming too shouty and looks like she is trying too hard. Also don’t like the knee drop near the end.

22 GERMANY   Levina - Perfect Life

It’s all gone a bit grey. Maybe this effect looks better down the camera lens than it does from photos in the hall. Levina is a much better singer than the song and she looks god awful in the grey/silver dress.

23 ISRAEL   Imri Ziv - I Feel Alive

Archetypal party starter. In the case sense it does its job very well but that is not what it is here for. He may well be eye candy but his vocal talents and knack for choreography will not be getting him lots of votes.

24 FRANCE   Alma - Requiem

The poor girl is stood on stage, embarrassingly dancing whilst a night time view of the Eiffel Tower gives you motion sickness. Get the feeling so much money was spent on backdrop they forgot about the actual song.

25 SPAIN   Manel Navarro - Do It for Your Lover

The problem is that this is just getting lost. Not even the summery surfboards and overhead camerawork can save this one from drowning. His overbearing accent and limited singing voice make him as limp as a rubber ring.

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42 ROMANIA   Ilinca feat. Alex Florea -  Yodel It!

This is STILL the worst thing I have heard or seen. However I feel this should be billed as Ilinca doing a duet with the male backing singer who is literally carrying the dead weight that is Alex. Big fat LOL at the useless cannons.

Semi final wishlist

I really don't want to do this but it HAS to be done...

Who will qualify from the 2 semi finals? Honestly? I don't know... I know that is the kop out answer (as well as the obvious one) but this year's line up is so different, so even, it literally could go any way.. 

So after doing my FINAL ranking this past weekend, here are the two semis in order of preferance...

1  Portugal Salvador Sobral Amar pelos dois

1  Moldova SunStroke Project Hey, Mamma!

1  Finland Norma John Blackbird

1  Australia Isaiah Firebrace Don't Come Easy

1  Latvia Triana Park Line

1  Sweden Robin Bengtsson I Can't Go On

1  Azerbaijan Dihaj Skeletons

1  Belgium Blanche City Lights

1  Poland Kasia Moś Flashlight

1  Cyprus Hovig Gravity

______________________________________________________________

1  Slovenia Omar Naber On My Way

1  Iceland Svala Paper

1  Greece Demy This Is Love

1  Armenia Artsvik Fly With Me

1  Czech Republic Martina Bárta My Turn

1  Montenegro Slavko Kalezić Space

1  Georgia Tamara Gachechiladze Keep the Faith

1  Albania Lindita World

2   Netherlands O'G3NE Lights and Shadows

2   Belarus NAVI Historyja majho žyccia

2   Hungary Joci Pápai Origo

2   Norway JOWST ft. Aleksander Walmann Grab the Moment

2   Estonia Koit Toome & Laura Verona

2   San Marino Valentina Monetta & Jimmy Wilson Spirit of the Night

2   FYR Macedonia Jana Burčeska Dance Alone

2   Ireland Brendan Murray Dying to Try

2   Austria Nathan Trent Running on Air

2   Denmark Anja Nissen Where I Am

____________________________________________________________________

2   Israel Imri Ziv I Feel Alive

2   Bulgaria Kristian Kostov Beautiful Mess

2   Lithuania Fusedmarc Rain of Revolution

2   Croatia Jacques Houdek My Friend

2   Switzerland Timebelle Apollo

2   Serbia Tijana Bogićević In Too Deep

2  Malta Claudia Faniello Breathlessly

2  Romania Ilinca feat. Alex Florea Yodel It!

So just to say - THIS AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN !!!!! (but if it does I you will have to scrape me off the ceiling!)

A more level headed (and possibly more informed guess would be that the following WON'T qualify

1   Slovenia Omar Naber On My Way

1   Iceland Svala Paper

1   Czech Republic Martina Bárta My Turn

1   Montenegro Slavko Kalezić Space

1   Georgia Tamara Gachechiladze Keep the Faith

1   Albania Lindita World

The other 2 DNQs will more than likely be between Australia, Azerbaijan, Belgium and Poland.

Sweden, Finland, Portugal, Greece, Armenia (and possibly Cyprus) are pretty much certain qualifiers.

As for semi 2, the songs we won't be seeing on Saturday will be:

2   San Marino Valentina Monetta & Jimmy Wilson Spirit of the Night

2   Ireland Brendan Murray Dying to Try

2   Denmark Anja Nissen Where I Am

2   Lithuania Fusedmarc Rain of Revolution

2   Switzerland Timebelle Apollo

2   Serbia Tijana Bogićević In Too Deep

2   Malta Claudia Faniello Breathlessly

This group of 7 will be joined by either Croatia, Hungary or Macedonia.

This semi is much more open and can only really say that Romania and Bulgaria are almost 100% through.

Alternative lyrics

Last year, I took some of the song lyrics and put my own spin on them... 

I've had another go this year...

ALBANIA

What’s the wailing for?

What’s the cost of tune in this song?

All I ever really want 

Is to halt it all, it's all so wrong

BULGARIA

I am such a big fat liar

I really did steal your tyre

The car was parked against the wall

But it was not driveable

BELGIUM

All alone in the zany zone

Are you ready to do soft play?

Knock down stuff, going in and out

Are you going climb or fall?

GERMANY

I’m needing some thinner, needing some paint

Needing a paintbrush that won't break

I’m not afraid of painting a fence

Sometimes it’s wet before it's dry

That’s what you call a perfect wife

ICELAND

You have used all the paper,

I'm on the loo, I've had a poo, oh phew.

IRELAND

But I’m buying a pie, I’m buying a pie

I’ll put it straight in my arms

Find the fridge on the farm then I’ll pay

LATVIA

Say it one more time

I forgot it, say it one more time

I forgot it, say it one more time

I forgot it, say it one more time

MOLDOVA

And he said

Mamma, mamma, don't breast feed here

I’m offended by your big boob

Mamma, mamma, put them  away

Can't you feed 'it' through a tube?

(based on an almost true story)

MACEDONIA

I don’t poo alone 

Wherever I am

The toddler follows

SAN MARINO

What's the spirit of the night, spirit of the night

Brandy, cognac, gin, tequila?

Spirit of the night, makes our wallets so much lighter

SLOVENIA

Saturday, I’m won’t coming back

I’ll hide away because I’ll get the sack

SPAIN

Do it for your liver, do it for your liver baby

Down a pint and saturate your liver

SWITZERLAND

I have got a strong big toe

All the way from Tokyo

Twenty years of training

Grandmaster of tae kwon do

BBC Radio Bristol

Once again (for what I believe is the 4th time!) I appeared on the Steve Yabsley show to talk about Eurovision!

We started off about talking about the history of the contest before having a small reminisce about last year's contest and the fact that I was at this year's UK Eurovision selection show. Right at the end I talk about some of the ones to watch out for, as well as the BIG fave (I wonder who that could be?!?!?!?)

Remember that in the UK both semis are on BBC Four (Tuesday and Thursday) and the final on BBC One.
As well as the final you can vote for your fave in semi final 1 too !

I will try and get an mp3 of the interview on the site in a few weeks time but while you wait you can listen to it on the bbc website! Here is the link for the iplayer, which will be available for 4 weeks after the date of transmission.
My bit starts around the 36 min mark... here

My 2017 ranking

This is my final ranking of the 42 Eurovision finalists as taken on the moring of 30th April, before the first rehearsal.

Number 42 is at the bottom of this blogpost and number 1 will eventually find itself at the top !

This is my personal ranking and it has literally changed day by day ths year's Eurovision has been that open! I will revisit my ranking after the first week of rehearsals and alter them accordningly - many of my waivering feelings, fears and doubts may have gone, re-appeared or been swayed one way or the other by then! Based on this new positioning, I will then publish a top 10 qualifiers list based on this final ranking -  not a prediction per se,  just a list of the 10 best (in my humble opinion) from each semi based on that list. I will publish this on Monday 10th.

I know you are going to all disagree but that is all part of the fun!

If any of the songs make you curious, you can find videos of all the entries at the BBC eurovision website   http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profiles/1XhGk0MJKs6g8sR1vngbdzt/songs-2017

01 ITALY   Francesco Gabbani - Occidentali's Karma

A song with a story, several earworms, a copyable dance routine and a meaningful gimmick. Francesco has attitude and charisma by the bucket load as well as a huge internet following. Will win… in one way or another…

02  PORTUGAL   Salvador Sobral - Amar pelos dois

This song just gives me shivers. The overture into the song is so fresh yet classic. Salvador’s performance style is so affectionate and vulnerable you just want to cuddle him. The best Portuguese song EVER.

03  HUNGARY   Joci Pápai - Origo

This just reeks of authenticity. The interaction between the dancer and the singer accurately portrays the song that the fact it is in Hungarian doesn’t matter. The fiddle break is another welcome addition of folk

04  MOLDOVA   SunStroke Project - Hey, Mamma!

If you want fun – you’ve come to the right place. The threesome (including Epic Sax Guy) are back and with a stomper of a song. The great dance routine, and addition of backing dancers will get the party started!

05  NETHERLANDS   OG3NE - Lights and Shadows

The band contains 2 twins and a sister and the song was written by their father! A really heartfelt song with a great chorus. The girls’ harmonies are as tight as a badgers arse and are a pure joy to behold.

06  BELARUS   Naviband -  Historyja majho žyccia

A fun 3 minutes of folky pop wth more earworms than you could shake a big stick at. Although the song is totally in Belarussian you know what the song is about and shows true emotion and feeling.

07 FINLAND   Norma John - Blackbird 

A mystical, emo ballad filled with emotion.  Her singing is spot on and the piano instrumental near the end is just beautiful. Although styled audibly and visually like Adele, I think it'd work just as well without the cues.

08 NORWAY   JOWST ft. Aleksander Walmann - Grab the Moment

This is a grower. An odd song which is not typical Eurovision fayre. Alexsander is a great performer and the use of black cloaks and LED masks gives is a sense of aloofness and mystique. Not a winner but could be a hit.

09 AUSTRALIA   Isaiah Firebrace - Don't Come Easy

A steady if not predictable ballad from down under. He has a soulful voice and the song suits him reasonably well. The downside is that his face can be a bit emotionless so I hope there is plenty distraction on the stage.

10 UKRAINE   O.Torvald - Time

A solitary piece of rock in this year’s contest. The song is not bad, the guitar break at 2 mins. is EPIC but the singing gets forgotten. If this fails at Eurovision I am sure the guys will be signed to play at next year’s Wrestlemania.

11 SAN MARINO   Valentina Monetta & Jimmie Wilson - Spirit of the Night

A slice of 100% cheddar cheese in what is a vegan Eurovision. Some soulful up-tempo disco and done better than Serhat. Yes it’s cheap, tacky and dated and very very Ralph Siegel but it’s Valentina … duh…!

12 ESTONIA   Koit Toome & Laura  - Verona

This is a typical love/lost love duet. Dramatic musical breakdowns and lingering looks to camera mean it is memorable from all angles. Koit’s vocals are fine but Laura can look stilted and sound very nasal.

13 AZERBAIJAN   Dihaj - Skeletons

Too-cool-for-school artpop. The lyrics of the song don’t really make much sense but it adds to its appeal. The chorus is a little messy but might benefit from eye-catching staging. Might be too odd to vote for.

14 BELGIUM   Blanche - City Lights

Another contemporary entry from the Walloons. Has a great beginning and ending for Eurovision and just the right amount of repetition. I am concerned she will sound and look too scared on camera and not engage.

15 FYR MACEDONIA   Jana Burčeska - Dance Alone

The best FYROM entry ever by a mile. The perky chorus and use of hand claps is infectious. But the over-use (nay, reliance) of vocal effects, and the fact she has mimed most of her appearances, suggests shaky vocals.

16 IRELAND   Brendan Murray - Dying to Try

This is not a great song but a very different type of ballad to all the others this year. Love the 3/4 time signature and the simplistic title repetition but I am  genuinely scared that Brendan’s balls will drop before the semi-final.

17 FRANCE   Alma - Requiem

This seems to be going down a storm with the fans. But I own “Toutes Les Memes” by Stromae and believe me “Requiem” is nowhere near new or original. Plus the addition of English is totally unnecessary.

18 AUSTRIA   Nathan Trent - Running on Air

This is a nice enough middle of the road type of song you’d hear at any point on Radio 2. Maybe this is just right for Eurovision… However it could also be so vanilla, no-one votes for it and ends up last.

19 SWEDEN   Robin Bengtsson - I Can't Go On

Very Swedish… Robin and his chums waltz in, x factor style from behind the scenes to sing this Justin Timberlake b-side on 5 treadmills left over by Ok Go.  It’s full of very familiar things. Original yet not original.

20 ICELAND   Svala - Paper

The song is very contemporary but has an 80’s electro feel. Her voice is a little shrill and uses a bit too much vibrato for me. Moreover, Svala’s performing style is totally at odds with the words of the song.

21 UNITED KINGDOM   Lucie Jones - Never Give Up on You

Although a revamp of this song is ok I ever so slightly preferred the original version. Lucie can sing and perform with gusto and emotion and the song has memorable bits. I fear this might get lost at sea.

22 LATVIA   Triana Park - Line

Nice to see a bit of neon-steampunk-rave culture at Eurovision. Another song that will look great in the hall but the longs lyrics are a little repetitive and the lead singer’s vocals can sound very ropey.

23 GREECE   Demy -  This Is Love

A Eurodance floor filler which will get the guys in the hall in the right mood at Eurovision. But the lyrics are so predictable - and the worst ending of a Eurovision song ever. It won’t be troubling the top.

24 POLAND    Kasia Moś – Flashlight

A dark, moody and atmospheric song sung by a singer with a great set of lungs on her. However the song is slightly too complicated for a 3 minute song contest. More likely to phone Samaritans than call to vote for this.

25 DENMARK   Anja Nissen - Where I Am

This has a very instant start which gets your ears pricked with great interest but it goes downhill quickly from there. The verses are boring and the choruses are shouty. Sounds more like an x factor winner’s song.

26  CZECHIA   Martina Bárta - My Turn

This is a slow, jazzy cabaret number like something you would’ve seen on 3-2-1. In fairness she has an interesting voice and the song doesn’t quite go where you expect it too. Nice - but nice doesn’t cut it.

27 GERMANY   Levina - Perfect Life

Yes, the opening bars do sound a bit too much like “Titanium” but that doesn’t matter if the song is a decent one. But this really isn’t. Levina seems like a singer who is much better and bigger than this song.

28 CYPRUS  Hovig - Gravity

Rag and Bone Boy. He’s a great singer and this is not a bad song – but not the two together. He looks more like a slightly drunk dad doing karaoke at his daughter’s wedding. Quite meh.

29 BULGARIA   Kristian Kostov - Beautiful Mess

This may well be a betting fave and seen by many as contemporary, all I hear is a lot of hipster-ish moaning (probably about hummus). This is too quiet, too cold and nowhere near engaging enough to win.

30 ARMENIA   Artsvik - Fly With Me

Good singer, good visuals and a beautiful backing track. Totally spoilt by some very inane lyrics and (another) very unnecessary introduction. Full of bits – she never sings the same bit the same and has no hook.

31 ISRAEL   Imri Ziv - I Feel Alive

This party song will go down well in the hall but the structure of the song is all wrong. It takes too long to get to the chorus and when you get there it's as damp as a wet wipe. Barely alive and needing CPR.

32 SWITZERLAND   Timebelle - Apollo

The symbolism and meaning of this song is so lost we’ve all gone past caring. This is just a very dull, over-produced song, continuing the form of previous Swiss entries. Full of holes just like their cheese.

33 SLOVENIA   Omar Naber - On My Way

On one hand, Omar is a very good singer with  clear tone and diction. However most of the time he comes across as a stuck up git who loves himself. The song is not bad but boring compared to the rest of the cast list.

34 MONTENEGRO   Slavko Kalezić – Space

Oh dear me. The lyrics are cringe worthy and his hairpiece laughable. I find this so overtly camp it’s almost aggressively so. Many members of the ESC community will love this but many viewers will see this as a joke.

35 SERBIA   Tijana Bogićević - In Too Deep

A case of verse and chorus colliding hopelessly in the dark. The verses are far too prim and proper to sit next to the booming chorus and neither part is up to the standard of the little instrumental near the end. An early faller.

36 LITHUANIA   Fusedmarc - Rain of Revolution

At least they are trying something a little bit different. Unfortunately the verses don’t fit with the chorus and the constant ‘yeah-yeah’-ing afterwards reminds you of the lack of oooomph in this song. Yawn.

37 GEORGIA  Tamara Gachechiladze - Keep the Faith

I don’t have faith in this song at all. Her voice is too wobbly and full of  unessessary vocal trickery and I’d rather she just stopped and just sung the song and the notes properly. She’s trying very hard to be the next Conchita.

38 CROATIA  Jacques Houdek - My Friend

Oh god I have no words. Pavarotti meets Freddie Mercury but both voices come out the same schizophrenic body. Yes, he can probably belt it out but I fear the staging will end up being more BGT than classy Eurovision.

39 ALBANIA   Lindita - World

Such a shame. The English lyrics are just a washout on what is a great backing track. The lyrics are so bad and the last minute is just screaming. I don’t know if she’s ever given birth but that is what it sounds like.

40 MALTA   Claudia Faniello - Breathlessly

The first verse takes so long to get through you only get to hear the chorus twice in the whole thing. This song is so plodding it is the Eurovision equivalent of quicksand. And it’ll stay firmly stuck in the semi too.

41 SPAIN   Manel Navarro - Do It for Your Lover

This isn’t sugary-sweet. This is like a spoonful of NutraSweet – powdery, thin and most of all totally fake. This is going to look DEAD in the hall.  All hair and no charisma (and no decent English pronunciation either)

42 ROMANIA   Ilinca feat. Alex Florea -  Yodel It!

This is literally the worst thing I have heard or seen  - possibly EVER. She needs to get a decent stylist, then leave him and the airport and finally stop shouting in the second half like Aunt Flo has come to visit. AWFUL.

SOA17_07

In the words of Europe - it's the final podcast!

We go a little 1980's crazy in this episode with lots of weird references and I hope you like our musical interludes... And I am sorry I sound so croaky in this episode! Eurovision officially makes you ill!!!!
So the teaser clues to the reiews in this podcast are -

1) Hispster-geddon
2) If this song was a stick of rock...
3) Synchronised swimming
4) Too much interference
5) He really loves himself
6) On stage with a megaphone

Remember to keep listening to the very, very end for another one of Andy's Easter egg extras - and this one is possibly the funniest one yet (just don't remind him hoe long it took to make!)

The songs left over to be reviewed are, in alphabetical order:

Albania, Belgium, Bulgaria, Israel, Macedonia and Sweden!

So, you can follow all the fun and games on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/ESCarmchair  
or like our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ESCarmchair

You can download or listen to the latest podcast here - https://archive.org/details/SOA17_07

Click here to listen to this podcast in your usual music player (M3U Playlist)

SOA17_06

Episode 6 of our Eurovision review show!

Clues to today's opnions are:

1) Cher Lloyd

2) Give up the beers

3) That’s nice

4) Too much interference

5) A bag of underwhemingness

6) Overlooking like a chaperone

Other references include lesser known Babylon Zoo songs (yes, there IS more than just the one!), 90’s rave culture, Mrs Brown’s Boys, one man went to mow, and tongue twisters

The reviewed songs, in alphabetical order are:

Czechia, Hungary, Iceland, Norway, Serbia and Spain.

So, you can follow all the fun and games on twitter at https://www.twitter.com/ESCarmchair  
or like our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ESCarmchair

You can download or listen to the latest podcast here - https://archive.org/details/SOA17_06

Click here to listen to this podcast in your usual music player (M3U Playlist)